Hello, I’m still alive.

… and still very much into horror movies but I haven’t had the urge to write about the ones I’ve watched. Kind of beats the purpose of having a horror blog, I know. I’ve got a lot of shit on my drafts page, actually. (Some of which I’ve seen last year, heh.) Martyrs, Hatchet, Bordertown (it sucks), Terror Firmer (Troma!), Trailer Park of Terror, Gravedancers, The Unborn, Punisher Warzone, etc. Recently, I’ve seen Altered, Dog Soldiers, and Predators 2 just last night. I don’t remember Bill Paxton being so fucking annoying but then I was only ten years old the last time I saw it. We’ve finished our little Hellraiser and A Nightmare on Elm Street marathon coupla months back. We even had 3D glasses on during Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare. Yes, we’re total dorks. We’ve also done a bit of Schwarzenegger; Terminator (including the new one), Total Recall (get your ass to Mars!), and Predator. I want to write about those, too. But, meh.

Chad’s taking up his MA in Literature and has been buying a lot of second-hand books so I’ve also been reading a lot lately. In the last couple of weeks, I have managed to read Stephen King’s The Eyes of the Dragon, Christine, Carrie (started and finished yesterday), and three books from the Dresden Files. Cujo and The Dark Half are next. For some reason, second-hand bookstores sell tons of Stephen King novels.

Okay, couple of horror news I want to get off my chest. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it here (probably didn’t because I’m fucking lazy), but I remember being excited as hell (hehe) about the new Hellraiser because Pascal Laugier (Martyrs) is directing. God knows horror fans are up to their balls in retarded remakes (or reboots, whatever) and I really shouldn’t keep my hopes up to avoid getting disappointed, but, shit, have you seen Martyrs? That was fucking insane. The new Hellraiser is going to kick fucking ass, I kept saying. At first, Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo of Inside were said to helm the remake (or reboot, whatever) and then I don’t know what happened but they were replaced by Laugier. That was brilliant, if you ask me. If anyone should replace Maury and Bustillo, it has to be Laugier. So yeah, I was fucking stoked. Imagine my heartbreak when Clive Barker announced on Twitter that Laugier is no longer directing. Well, that was depressing. What the fuck are those Weinsteins up to? Bah.

Anyway. This bit of news got me jumping and making cartwheels. Well, not really, but you know what I mean. I even updated my Facebook page, see?

And then Robert Rodriguez (he’s producing) had to rain on my parade. (Is that even the right metaphor?) You know who they got instead of Neil Marshall? That dude who made Vacancy. Really? That guy? Over Marshall who made Dog Soldiers? The Descent? Doomsday? REALLY? Gah. What was that I said about disappointment again? Goddamnit. I think he’s explaining himself here but I don’t fucking care anymore. I’m sick of these motherfuckers breaking my heart! (OA!) I’m looking forward to Machete, though. Danny Trejo – that’s a man who never disappoints. (His dancing in The Crow 4 did make me cringe a little.)

Lastly, can anyone tell me what in the blue hell is going on with Halloween 2? Because I’m really, really confused right now and this pumpkin thing isn’t helping at all.

What the fuck is it?

Hrmn, what else? Oh yes, my son. The other night, we were watching TV when he turned to me and asked what “semen” is. It took me five seconds to recover and ask him why he’s asking. He then tells me that his Science teacher told the class that “boys from 11 to 14 start releasing semen” but didn’t explain what it was. (Way to go, Science teacher.) I told him to go to bed and I’ll explain it in the morning, secretly hoping he’d forget all about it. Yes, that was pretty lousy where evading tactics are concerned but the question caught me unawares and goddamnit, I needed time to arm myself with answers should he remember about it the next day. True enough, he did and asked me again. So I went on to explain how the male reproductive system works, blah blah blah, sperm cells blah blah, that it’s what makes babies when united with an egg cell from a woman. I was pretty satisfied with my explanation and thought WHEW, THAT WASN’T SO HARD when he asked another question. How does the sperm cell meet with the egg cell? SHIT. I had to keep myself from laughing and told him instead that it’s a lesson for another time. Or maybe if Science teacher wasn’t so goddamned lazy, she’d explain it to the class.

Motherhood. Clearly, I did not think this through.